👣 WALK YOUR TALK with Amy
A Weekly Dose of Truth, Freedom & Love
“Fu*k! I’m so mad at myself!”
I yelled this in the middle of a pickleball game.
I was playing with a mom friend I've been getting to know, and we've been having so much fun playing together two to three times a week.
Today was the first time I got REALLY frustrated. I missed a shot I should have made and without thinking about it, out came: “Fu*k! I’m so mad at myself!”
And almost immediately, she responded: “Don't be mad. It's just a game. Have fun.”
And I caught it. Did you?
Because I'm an emotional mastery coach who has spent years coaching women around people-pleasing, perfectionism and performing, and I realized something in that moment.
She thought my frustration meant I wasn't having fun.
But nothing could have been further from the truth. I was having a BLAST.
I wasn't having a bad time. I felt fully alive and was feeling my emotions in waves like riding a roller coaster.
In a matter of minutes I was riding waves of excitement, anxiety, frustration, invigoration and FUN. Over and over and over again with each round.
I was yelling WOO and YES when I hit a great shot and getting pissed when I missed one I thought I should have made.
I wasn’t holding back. I was feeling ALL OF IT. Every bit of aliveness the game was giving And I was LOVING it.
Because something happens to me when I step onto a pickleball court.
I'm not Amy the coach, the mom or the societally palatable version of myself that I need to be every day.
I'm just Amy. And at my core there is a wild and competitive part that gets to make an appearance.
Sports and exercise have always been that outlet for me but lately pickleball is top dog.
Maybe we need places where we can be a little wild.
I was the kid who was told she was “too much.”
And what does “too much” even mean?
Too EMOTIONAL. Too loud. Too opinionated. Too silly. Too wild. Too angry.
I learned to hide those parts that were “too much” so that my family would not have a negative opinion about me. I wanted nothing more than to NEVER be the center of gossip at a family gathering, God Forbid!
I learned to be THE GOOD GIRL. Palatable. Agreeable. Nice.
Tone it down. Read the room. Don't offend anyone. Don't draw negative attention to yourself.
And I got really good at it. I think a lot of women do.
We become so efficient at containing ourselves that we don't even realize we're doing it anymore.
Which is probably why being on the pickleball court feels so darn FREE to me.
For a little while, I don't have to contain a thing.
What if your emotions don't need to be fixed?
When I yelled that I was mad at myself, the frustration moved through me as quickly as it came.
I said it. I felt it. And then we played the next point.
I didn’t spiral or beat myself up. I didn’t yell and quit.
I expressed it and moved on.
What I LOVE MOST about pickleball is that I never know what’s going to happen. Every serve, every round, every game is a mystery until complete.
You go up. You go down. You celebrate. You get frustrated. You keep moving.
It's an emotional roller coaster that feels so exciting to me.
But here's where it got good.
After our three games, we sat down and my friend brought it up again.
She said something about how pickleball is supposed to be fun and I shouldn't get so frustrated.
So I asked her directly: “Does it make you uncomfortable when I curse or get frustrated?”
Because here's the thing: It doesn't make ME uncomfortable. I rather enjoy it.
And I told her that if my cursing genuinely made her uncomfortable, I would respect her boundary.
But she quickly said no and that she was worried about me.
And I told her: “I'm completely fine with how I am when I'm playing pickleball. The question is, are YOU OK with how I am when I'm playing pickleball?”
And she said yes.
I LOVED that conversation because we're actually very different in how we express ourselves.
She's much more quiet and contained and I'm... not.
And yet we're both competitive, we're having a ton of fun together and I genuinely enjoy playing with her.
Neither one of us needs to become the other.
Can we let another woman be wild?
I've been thinking about this ever since. Why does unfiltered expression make us so uncomfortable?
Why do we sometimes rush in when someone is angry, loud, emotional, excited or uninhibited and try to calm them down?
Have you ever found yourself saying to your friend, coworker or even your child…
"Don't be mad. Don't get upset. It's nothing to worry about. Calm down. Try to have fun. Try to enjoy it."
Maybe she IS having fun.
Maybe she doesn't need to calm down.
Maybe she's simply expressing something you wouldn't dare.
And maybe that's worth getting curious about.
Because when you've spent your life containing, suppressing and monitoring your own emotions, another person's freedom to express theirs can feel like TOO MUCH.
Especially for women who have spent decades trying to be perfect, agreeable, pleasant and impossible to not like.
Sometimes another woman's freedom can bump right up against all the places where we haven't given ourselves permission to be free.
Maybe “too much” needs a safe outlet.
I'm not suggesting we walk around unleashing every uninhibited emotion onto everyone around us. That would be complete chaos.
There are times and places where regulation and restraint are appropriate. Such as work, school, public places, etc.
There are people whose boundaries deserve to be respected like when you’re invited to someone’s home, party or event.
But I also think we need places where NONE of that applies.
Where we can be UNCENSORED and UNINHIBITED. Loud. Wild. Raw. Competitive. Excited. Frustrated. Angry. Elated.
Where we can “WOO” when we're thrilled and yell “FU*K” when we're pissed.
Where we can experience the whole roller coaster instead of deciding only the calm and pleasant emotions are allowed on the ride.
For me, that place has, was and always will be SPORTS.
So what's yours?
Where is the place where YOU get to be fully expressed?
Maybe it's dancing. Running. Singing at the top of your lungs in the shower. Painting. Boxing. Hiking alone in the woods. Going to a concert.
Maybe it's somewhere nobody else can even see you.
But I think every woman deserves at least one place where she doesn't have to be CENSORED.
A place where you're not the mother, the wife, the professional, the caretaker or the woman making sure everybody else is comfortable around her.
You're just YOU. Fully Alive and Real.
And if you don't have a place like that? Maybe it's time to find one.
Because maybe the parts of you that you've spent your whole life calling “too much” aren't actually too much at all.
Maybe they've just been waiting for you to give them permission to come out and play.
With love,
Amy
💌 INVITATION
1️⃣ Join Me In Person for a calming 60-minute EFT Tapping Meditation designed to help you feel more peaceful, grounded, and clear inside. You’ll leave feeling lighter, calmer, and more at ease.
📍 Quantum Wellness, Bedminster, NJ
📅 Oct 10 | 12 PM
