👣 WALK YOUR TALK with Amy
A Weekly Dose of Truth, Freedom & Love
💐 I’m Dating Myself This Summer
Stop waiting for someone else to build your social life.
Something has shifted in me this summer.
I’ve decided I’m not waiting around for someone to enjoy life with.
I’m kayaking, paddle-boarding, dancing, going to festivals, swimming, playing pickleball and talking to strangers everywhere I go.
I’m trying new things and going solo most of the time except for when i take my dog with me!
I’m essentially dating myself And I’m having a blast.
But I’ve also noticed something really interesting about human connection that I think we need to talk about.
Because putting yourself out there doesn’t mean everyone you want to connect with will want to connect with you.
Far from it.
12 women raised their paddles 🏓
On July 7th, I put a post in my local Facebook group looking for women to play pickleball with.
12 women responded and I answered every single one of them.
If someone responded vaguely, I got specific and offered real dates and times to choose from. I gave them actual opportunities to get on the court with me.
And do you know how many women I’ve actually played pickleball with one month later?
Three.
I’ve played five times with three different women.
Two of them I’ve now played with twice.
What happened to the other nine?
Some stopped responding all together.
Some had a little back-and-forth with me and then disappeared.
Some may still circle back? I really don't know.
And that’s exactly the point.
I don’t need to know!
I used to make it mean something 📖
This pattern isn’t new to me. I’ve seen it for years in my business.
- Someone expresses interest.
- I reach back out.
- They don’t respond back.
What happened between their reach and my reach back that they don't respond back again?
My brain immediately starts guessing …
Did I say something wrong?
Was I too much?
Did they change their mind?
Should I reach out again? If so, how long do i wait?
I guess I just never realized how this happens in our personal lives too, but it does.
Last weekend I went dancing in NYC and had an amazing afternoon talking to all kinds of people. (I only party during daytime now, no more late nights for me!).
I met a woman my age from New Jersey who loves the same dance music I do. We had a great conversation and I thought, I could actually see myself hanging out with her again.
I got her number. I texted her the following day and......
🦗 Crickets.... No response and its over a week now.
And here’s what’s different about me nowadays.
I’m not making it mean anything about me OR her.
People don’t respond for a million reasons
✅ they’re busy.
✅ they forgot.
✅ they meant it in the moment and changed their mind.
✅ they’re overwhelmed.
✅ they don’t know how to say no.
✅ they’ll respond four days from now.
✅ they won’t respond at all.
I don’t know.
And neither do you.
Just this week I texted my son's father needing to know something.
And.... Nothing... for 2 entire days.
If only you could have heard the stories my mind was making up!
And then on the 3rd day .... He responded, just like that.
Nothing was wrong.
He just hadn’t responded yet.
How many times have we created a terrible story in that space?
Pass the ball. Then leave it in their court. 🏀
This is what I’m practicing right now.
I’m not waiting for someone to choose me first.
If I’m interested in someone, I make the first move. I approach. I say hello first. I start the conversation. And as it progresses, maybe I ask for their contact info or make an invite.
This is me passing them the ball.
But once the ball is in their court, it’s theirs.
I’m not following them over there and managing their ball on their side of the court.
I let them decide what they’re going to do with it.
They can pick it up.
They can leave it on the floor.
They can pick it up three weeks from now.
That’s their part.
My part is being courageous enough to pass them the ball in the first place.
And I’m realizing how much freedom there is in that.
What I’m not doing anymore is chasing, convincing or overreaching once I've passed a ball to someone.
I don’t need to manage their response. I allow it to be what it is.
And I’m practicing not turning someone’s silence into a story about my worth.
That’s been a game changer.
Pay attention to who passes the ball back. ⛹🏻♀️
Here’s the other part of this.
Putting yourself out there doesn’t mean endlessly pursuing people who aren’t reciprocating.
Quite the opposite.
I’m learning to pay attention to the people who choose me back and put in the effort.
I invite. They respond.
I suggest a day. They suggest a time.
I reach out. They reach back.
They cancel. We reschedule.
That’s what an adult relationship looks like when both people are putting in time, effort and interest.
Reciprocity matters. Mutuality matters. Effort matters.
No one person should feel like she’s carrying the ball for both sides of the court.
It’s two people tossing the ball back and forth, taking turns.
It feels respectful. It feels balanced. And most importantly, it feels mutual.
Want a bigger life? Make more invitations. 💌
Here’s what I’m learning this summer:
The more I put myself out there, the more non-responses I’m going to get.
The more invitations I make, the more people will decline.
The more conversations I start, the more of them will go nowhere.
But you know what else I get?
More YES.
So far, 5 pickleball games and more to come.
More dancing (one of my favorite things to do)
More swims at the lake kayaking and paddle-boarding.
More conversations with people I never would have met (especially when I walk my dog).
More acquaintance-ships that actually have the opportunity to grow into friendships.
More FUN and More ENJOYMENT. More Living Life.
If your goal is to never feel rejected, stay home and wait around for someone else to choose you.
Don’t talk to strangers.
Don’t make the invite first.
Don’t approach and be unapproachable.
Don’t try anything new.
You can dramatically reduce your chances of rejection that way.
You’ll also dramatically reduce your life.
And I’m not willing to do that anymore with the time I have left, How about you?
So here’s my challenge to you this week
Stop waiting for someone else to come along before you start living your life.
Give yourself permission to.....
Go somewhere you want to go, alone.
Take the class at the gym or spa.
Join the group.
Make the post.
Start the conversation.
Ask for the number.
Send the text.
Invite someone to coffee you're curious about.
Pass the ball. Then leave it in their court.
Not everyone is going to pick it up and pass it back.
That’s OK.
You don’t need 12 people. You don’t even need three. You just need ONE.
It only takes one person to choose you back to open the door to something special.
And the best part of this process is you get to become the woman who is willing to go first! You're willing to risk rejection in the pursuit of finding your people and that is BRAVE!
Hit reply and tell me:
What’s one thing you’ve been waiting for someone else to do with you that you’re finally willing to do solo?
I want to hear about it.
With love, Amy
