👣 WALK YOUR TALK with Amy
A Weekly Dose of Truth, Freedom & Love
Curiosity Over Judgment 🤔
Hey there. I'm back. 🦋
Good morning.
It feels really good to be back here with all of you.
I intentionally stepped away for a little while.
I needed some space to reflect, rewire, and reconnect with myself before sharing again.
Writing has been one of my greatest loves since I was a little girl. This newsletter has always felt good to me. Just me, my deepest discoveries and here you go ... Take it or leave it.
So I'm making a commitment here today to myself and to you.
Every week you'll find me here.
Sharing what's True, Hard, Beautiful, Weird, Unsettled, Loved. All of what life is teaching me in real time.
My hope is that these emails leave you feeling just a little more courageous, compassionate, and connected to yourself.
A text message woke me up this morning. 📲
It was from my son's father.
Four weather reports and one single triggering sentence.
"I think you should keep Jaxon home from camp today."
Honestly ...
The second I read it, I got pissed off.
My brain immediately started telling a story.
He doesn't get to tell me what to do.
He's anxious and scared about everything.
He's trying to control the situation.
Within seconds I had completely decided what his intentions were and judged them as BAD.
Sound familiar?
Then I remembered something I teach my clients every single week.
Before you make assumptions, ask a question. Get curious.
So I decided to do just that and chose NOT to react.
I simply asked, "Why do you think so?"
He replied,
"Because of the weather reports."
Uhhh. Duhh. Yeah, I know that.
I could feel myself getting irritated all over again.
Then I asked another question.
"I'm curious... what are you concerned might happen if I send him?"
His answer changed everything.
He said,
"I'm worried you'll have to drive during the worst of the storms this afternoon. I was just thinking about the safety of you and Jaxon."
And just like that my entire body relaxed. The tension and judgment left and I didn't see him as bad, but actually caring.
He didn't have to change, only my understanding did.
Here's what's even better...
I still didn't agree with him.
I still sent Jaxon to camp.
But instead of responding from anger, I responded from understanding.
I wrote,
"That makes total sense. Thank you for looking out for us. I really appreciate that. I'm going to send him to camp, but I'll keep a close eye on the weather and pick him up immediately if needed."
We disagreed.
And neither of us had to become the bad guy.
This is what judgment does. ⚖️
Our brains are incredibly fast at judging and assigning meaning.
This happens in milliseconds. If we're not used to challenging our own thoughts we can easily believe all the bullsh*t our brain offers us.
We assume motives, assign intentions and become convinced we know why someone did what they did.
Most of the time... Its not even true. Its assumed.
One question has the power to interrupt that story.
Curiosity creates space...
for nuance, duality and allows someone to better explain what they mean for us.
Space creates understanding
Understanding creates safety and connection.
Even when you still disagree.
Your challenge this week 📆
This week, I want you to catch yourself just once.
Notice when your mind jumps to judgment of yourself or another.
Then replace certain judgment with one question.
Maybe it's...
"Can you help me understand better?"
"How do you mean by that?"
"When you said that what were you hoping I'd feel?"
"I'm curious, why did you say ..."
You might discover that what you believed wasn't actually true.
Or...
You might simply have a much more meaningful conversation.
Either way, you're winning in the game of life when you seek understanding versus assigning harsh judgment on everyone including yourself!
I'd love to hear from you. ↩️
Have you ever completely misjudged someone's intentions... only to realize later you had the story wrong?
Hit reply and tell me what happened.
I read every single email, and after being away for a while, I'd really love to hear from you.
Until next week,
Amy
